Monday, November 17, 2008

Just another day on the roller coaster

I has been several week since I last updated the blog and quite a bit has been going on. First I decided on Halloween that I was not longer going to get the infusion chemo. I just can’t take the treatment anymore. I get so sick and my quality of life is so poor. I was talking to a friend that morning and I told him I felt like I was peer pressured into taking the infusion chemo and really did not want to do it. He asked me a couple of time why I was going to chemo that afternoon if I was not on board with it. As I was getting my stuff together to go to chemo that afternoon I realized that it is not how I want to live my life. Not having the infusion chemo may shorten my life, but the quality will be better. I am still on the oral regimen and I got a CT scan this morning to see if it is having any effect on the lung tumors.

On October 26th, I found a lump in my right armpit. I was hoping that it was just an irritated hair follicle from shaving and waiting a couple of days for it to go away. Well of course given my luck it did not. I had an ultrasound and mammogram last week that led to a biopsy of two lumps in my armpit and three in my breasts. The good news is the breasts are ok, the bad news is the lymph nodes in the armpit are malignant. Not a good sign. It is rare for ovarian cancer to spread to distant lymph nodes and is a sign of advanced cancer. I have always prided myself on being unique and not following the norm, but this is ridiculous.

As if that is not enough going on I got a cold last week. I was in Austin at the LiveStrong Young Adult Alliance meeting and felt awful. Things did not get any better when I got home. I woke up Saturday morning around 3am having trouble breathing. I thought it was just my asthma and took a couple hits of my inhaler. After I did not get any better I went to the hospital around 11:30. They gave me a breathing treatment and took a chest x-ray. It turns out I have a pleural effusion (fluid in the lungs) and they suspect it is cancer cells. The next step is to drain the fluid and do a biopsy. The survival rate for malignant pleural effusions is average of 5 months after diagnosis. Just to make things a little more difficult one of my biopsy sites from last week is infected. They put me on antibiotics on Saturday at the ER and sent a sample out to be cultured.

I missed my twin nephews 4th birthday party since I spent that afternoon at the ER. I know they did not miss me and I did get to see them, but I really wanted to go.

I went to the doctor today to get it checked and the culture shows that it is staph. The doctor thinks that it is MRSA and they did a nose swab and sent it out to be cultured. They also did a blood tests that may come back sooner, but is not always reliable. She put me on more antibiotics (for a total of three) and we are waiting on the culture results. If it is MRSA, they may put me in the hospital which is not what I want. I try to avoid the hospital as much as possible. It feels like the hits keep on coming. I am waiting to hear when they are going to do the Thoracentesis which needs to be done soon, but the worry is that since I do have Staph and probably MRSA the area is most likely to get infected. My blood count is low and they feel I am very susceptible to infection - like I didn't already know that.

I am feeling very overwhelmed and numb at the moment. I am also very angry that all this is happening and I am not sure how much more I can take. Why does cancer affect so many people? Why Me? What did I do to deserve this?


Kris said...

Hi Alli. YOU didn't do anything to create or deserve the hits that you've been taking. Wish I could explain more, but I just know that it's not you, but just some seriously crappy bad luck. Your remain in my thoughts and prayers and I will call you real soon to see if you're in the mood to chat. Big hugs.

Rob said...

What's going on? I don't want to interrupt sleep/treatment/etc. And you're never online anymore. Call me.