Friday, September 5, 2008

Not Great News

I went to the doctor yesterday to get the news about my CT scans and blood work and the news is not good. The cancer is back. The tumors in the lungs have grown in size after previously shrinking. In addition there are more tumors in the lung and the tumor in the liver has also grown in size. The blood work showed that the liver function is down.

They have moved surgery up to September 15th, a mere week away. After surgery I will have to go back on chemo.

I am having major mood swing. If I keep busy and don’t think about it I am fine even laughing, but as soon as I start to think about it I get overwhelmed with the fear and anger.

This is so not fair. I do not want to do this again. I feel like I was just getting my life back together. I knew in my heart on Tuesday went I went for the scan that the cancer was back, I am not sure how but I felt it in my gut.

How much more am I supposed to take???? What did I do to deserve this??? I was just getting used to having hair again….Why me??

I don't want to have cancer anymore. I don't want to be sick anymore. How am I supposed to work fulltime and go through treatment again. I just started this great new job.

Cancer Sucks!!!!


ChromeLightning said...

Hi there, I found your blog from I2Y or something. I was drawn to your blog because I am also a red head. We are unique. We also bleed more, at least so I am told. I went through cervical cancer and am doing good right now. I also lost my very long hair during my intensive treatment and I can understand how you may be feeling. Oh, ya I am 34 yrs old and have 3 boys and a step daughter. My hair has grown in really fast and stuff. I am praying for you, I hate when they say, okay, you are going in for "whatever" and then I would think that meant in a few weeks or so, and then they say "so can you make it there tomorrow (or the next day)" man alive, I would panic and cry and stuff. I think they do that so you don't have time to make excuses out of it, for our own good - lol, but I am thinking of you and praying God will have his hand on you and your docs. Take care. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow...sounds like you are having it rough. Miss seeing you everyday. You know I am here for you and that I will ride, walk or bike to help you out in any way that I can. Please know I am thinking about you and will call soon.