Saturday, March 8, 2008

In Like a Lion...

There is a saying about March "In like a lion and out like a Lamb". Well March for me has definitely come in roaring like a lion and not in a good way. I was feeling a little better last weekend and did a couple small things including going to the movies, but mostly I was continuing my doctor imposed bed rest. On Monday I went back to work. I was to work part-time (half days) this week and full time starting 3/10. Monday I went into work around 11am. I did sleep to 9:30 so one would think I would be good to go for 4 hours. Between taking a shower, getting dressed, driving to work, and just sifting through the stuff on my desk, I was ready for a nap at 12:30. I left work at 3:30 and came home and took a nap.

The sunny Tuesday morning started as though it was going to be a good day, but life can be tricky that way. I was in a meeting and started to cry and had to leave the room to compose myself. It does not matter that I felt a little ambushed by the meeting participants or that we were going off topic, and I asked to step back a little to the whole purpose of the meeting. The point is that I HATE to cry. I might as well have gone into the meeting naked.

Crying has always been a hard thing for me. I am not saying I can't cry like Carmen Diaz's character in "The Holiday". I am just the opposite. Over the last year I feel like all I do is cry. I have several friends that tell me crying is healthy and that is alright to cry in front of them or even with them. I have gotten to the point that I will cry with friends, my doctors, therapists, etc, but to me crying at work is just not acceptable.

So basically Tuesday sucked. I was emotionally drain went I got home and when I checked the mail I received all these forms I need to fill out for my short term disability, FMLA, medical reimbursements, etc. It is almost a full time job, just dealing with the paperwork of being sick. I was feeling a little better Tuesday night when I went to bed. I am still having problems sleeping. I usually can fall asleep without a problem, but I wake up an hour or so later and then every couple hours throughout the night. For some reason I tend to be wide awake for a couple of hours somewhere around 2 and 5am. Not the most fun time of the day. Anyway, Tuesday night I woke up around 4:30 with a horrible coughing fit that turned into an asthma attack. I was having so much problem breathing; I thought a trip to the ER was immanent. Thankfully the inhaler and cough syrup worked and my breathing go better and I was able to get a couple of hours of sleep.

On my way to acupuncture Wednesday morning, the Check Engine light in my car came on. For those of you who know the story about how my last Forester died, you will know that the Check Engine light strikes the fear of God in me since the last time it reared its ugly head, my engine seized up and stopped on the side of 695 on a Sunday morning. This is why I still have a car payment and a one year old car. After I left acupuncture I tracked down my mom at her Bridge group in Ellicott City, switched cars with her so I could drive into work. I called the Subaru service department and they told me not to panic. They said that it sounds like an emissions issues (aka loose gas cap) and that as long as the car is driving fine and the light is not blinking, the car is OK to drive. They suggested taking the gas cap off and on and see if it resolves itself.

Thursday morning it seemed like everything was AOK, since the Check Engine light was no longer on. Unfortunately, after driving around for about 30 minutes the light went back on. So on top of everything else I need to do next week I will be taking my car into service.

I had another coughing attack Wednesday night so I went back to the doctors Thursday morning. She said that if looks like I have another infection (or the other one never went fully away) and she but me back on antibiotics, another asthma med (pill form this time) and told me to stay home in bed for Thursday and Friday. She also said that I am not to go back to work fulltime on Monday, but to stay half time for two weeks. When I left the doctor's office I was going to go to work anyway since I was scheduled to teach a class that afternoon. I am not sure whether it was me starting to drive to the wrong office or just coming to my senses, but I realized that the training class can be rescheduled and I should be a good patient, follow the doctor's orders and go home to bed and that is what I did.

I have been feeling OK yesterday and today as long as I take it easy. I was able to get some work done from home (while bundled up on the couch) so I felt productive and I am feeling better as long as I drink lots of fluids and take my nasty vile tasting cough syrup regularly.

Now that I have recapped the week we come to the real problem. It is 1:23 am and I am wide away. I only had a 30 minute nap so it is not like I got too much sleep today. I am exhausted, but I laid in bed from 11:00 - 12:45 trying to fall asleep and nothing happened. Earlier I was lying on the cough nodding off watching a movie so I decided to go to bed at 10:30. I don't what happened on the 20 feet walk to my bedroom, but by the time I brushed my teeth and took my meds I was wide awake. Being awake in the middle of the night seems like one of the cosmic jokes that is played on us. I am wide awake, but all my friends are sound asleep so there is no one to come over and keep me company or talk to me until I can fall asleep. This week between 11pm and 6am I have done over 15 crossword puzzles, re-read the last Harry Potter book and watched really bad TV when I would rather be sleeping.

Thus it has not been a great first week of March. I can only hope that it gets better and things get around to behaving like a sweet, gentle lamb. I am a little sick of sheep though, since I counted over 200 tonight trying to get to sleep. :) Oh well, enough rambling for tonight, hopefully this has tired out my brain enough for me to fall asleep. Stay tuned for more midnight rambling to come since that is the only time I seem to be inspired to blog. Take care and good night.

No comments: