I don't know about you, but long weekends always screw up my schedule. I wake up in the morning and have no idea what day it is. Yesterday I thought it was Sunday and today I did not have the slightest idea, I was just happy I got to sleep late again. Between radiation and chemotherapy it has been months since I have slept late and I have slept past 9 two days in a row. To top that off, I have spent the long weekend on my couch alternating between watching movies and sleep. Part of this has been being indulgent, but mostly this has been having no energy and I can't seem to stay awake. The treatments have been taking a lot out of me and have lowered my blood cell count. My chemo two weeks ago was canceled and then canceled again this past Friday since I am still recovering from the cyst removal surgery.
I start a new cycle of radiation tomorrow for 9 sessions 3 days a week at 7:30 am which will take me to Dec 15th. We have been doing a very aggressive chemo regimen. Since it is taking such a toll on me, the Doctors and I have agreed to cut back. We are changing the schedule to two days a week, but the combinations are much different and I will be getting only one drug at a time and some will be two weeks apart. My last chemo for 2007 will be on 12/21 so I should be feeling good for the holidays. I only have 8 more treatments to go for 2007. The new schedule should lessen the side effects and hopefully I will not be as sick after each treatment.
The cyst removal on Wednesday went well. I was not prepared for the amount of pain I was going to be in. Because of the location it is hard to move my head from side to side too far or to lean my head back. I spent most of Thanksgiving drugged up, but that is one way to get through a family event. When I left the hospital they told me to watch for bleeding and the nurse laughed when she said that may be the only way I might know it is bleeding is for me to feeling the blood running down my neck. Well, I was standing in CVS waiting for my prescription and all of a sudden I could feel something running down my neck. It is healing, but I seem to have an aching head most the time, but at least the bleeding has stopped.
Oh well, the weekend is almost over and the loafing around must end. I am trying to get laundry done to get back in the swing of things to go back to work and get back the courage to go back to treatment. The two week break has been very nice, even if was me not feeling well that brought it on.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Today was not one of my best days, but I guess I am getting used to it. I had a rough night last night and did not go to work today. I skipped radiation today too. I spoke to the doctor and since it is a short week and I am having the cyst removed from the back of my head tomorrow I am not going to have radiation tomorrow either and just going to pick it back up next week.
The exhaustion continues. Today I slept until 2pm. I got up in the morning long enough to call into work and stuff, but I was back asleep by 8:30 and slept through to 2. I feel like my body is betraying me, it seems to have a mind of its own of what it is capable of doing. Once I woke up I laid in bed for 30 minutes trying to tell my body it was time to get up. All the pain medication is making me constipated (not that you wanted to know that), so I better add some prunes to my diet tomorrow.
The pain seems have increased in the pass couple of weeks. I have meds to take but I can't drive or even really function. They make me loopy...or at least loopier than usual. The problem is that if I am already nauseous the meds tend to make it worse. So I have heavy duty anti-nausea meds that make me tired that I take so then I can take the heavy duty pain meds that make me even more tired. Tonight I was laughing and it was causing pain and that is where I draw the line. Of all the things that cause pain, laughter should not be one of them. That is what I am going to pray for tonight - pain free laughter.
I am not particularly looking forward to tomorrow and having needles stuck in my head. I am not sure what the big deal is since in the last 6 months I have had needles stuck in my kidneys and liver. Maybe I don't like the idea of a needle that close to my brain or maybe because I do not have any extra fat around head. At least being nervous about that take my mind off all the other minor stuff like having cancer or being in pain.
The exhaustion continues. Today I slept until 2pm. I got up in the morning long enough to call into work and stuff, but I was back asleep by 8:30 and slept through to 2. I feel like my body is betraying me, it seems to have a mind of its own of what it is capable of doing. Once I woke up I laid in bed for 30 minutes trying to tell my body it was time to get up. All the pain medication is making me constipated (not that you wanted to know that), so I better add some prunes to my diet tomorrow.
The pain seems have increased in the pass couple of weeks. I have meds to take but I can't drive or even really function. They make me loopy...or at least loopier than usual. The problem is that if I am already nauseous the meds tend to make it worse. So I have heavy duty anti-nausea meds that make me tired that I take so then I can take the heavy duty pain meds that make me even more tired. Tonight I was laughing and it was causing pain and that is where I draw the line. Of all the things that cause pain, laughter should not be one of them. That is what I am going to pray for tonight - pain free laughter.
I am not particularly looking forward to tomorrow and having needles stuck in my head. I am not sure what the big deal is since in the last 6 months I have had needles stuck in my kidneys and liver. Maybe I don't like the idea of a needle that close to my brain or maybe because I do not have any extra fat around head. At least being nervous about that take my mind off all the other minor stuff like having cancer or being in pain.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
It Is What It Is
As many of you know I had a battery of tests this week to find out if the chemo and the radiation have made any progress. I have been praying for good news. It seems that every time that I have gone to the doctor it has been bad news. For my emotional health I needed to hear. I did not feel that I could continue the treatments that make me so sick without knowing they are making some progress.
Well the news from the doctor is No Good News, but No Bad News. So I guess that in itself is a good thing. The tumors have not changed in size, but on the flip side there has been no progression in the Cancer. Considering the rate that the Cancer had been spreading the Doctor feels this is a very good sign. I don’t know how to feel. I really wanted to hear that the tumors that shrunk and the chemo and radiation were making great progress. At least I could hold onto that went I was feeling so crappy.
Twice this week I passed out after radiation and the blood test showed that my kidney function was low, but most importantly my blood cell counts are very low.
The oncologists decided that we would take a couple days off from radiation and chemo. My blood counts tested again yesterday and were higher, but I still feel pretty crappy and need to get a lot of rest this weekend.
I used to use the phrase “It is what it is” all the time, but I realized I have not used it since my diagnosis, when I started to write this post this morning I knew it was appropriate. So my cancer Is What It Is and there is nothing I can do about it.
How Do I Feel Today
1 - Best ever .....10 - Worst Ever
11/18/07
Overall – 7
It has been a rough week and there are parts that I would rather not relive. I have had some high points watching my twin nephews blowing out their 3rd birthday candles on their “Cars” cakes and watching my 10 month old nephew taking his first steps.
Pain – 6
Since I have not had radiation for two days and no chemo yesterday I am able to take more pain meds, but I wish the pain would go away so I did not have to take the meds at all.
Physically - 7
I am still really tired and just do not have much energy. My allergies are bothering my on top of it all and I feel like I could sleep for days.
Emotional - 8
I seem to be very sad this week. I have my moments of happiness but I seem to have a general tiredness and sadness. I am more bummed then I have been in quite a while. But I can’t seem to shake this black cloud that is hanging over me.
Well the news from the doctor is No Good News, but No Bad News. So I guess that in itself is a good thing. The tumors have not changed in size, but on the flip side there has been no progression in the Cancer. Considering the rate that the Cancer had been spreading the Doctor feels this is a very good sign. I don’t know how to feel. I really wanted to hear that the tumors that shrunk and the chemo and radiation were making great progress. At least I could hold onto that went I was feeling so crappy.
Twice this week I passed out after radiation and the blood test showed that my kidney function was low, but most importantly my blood cell counts are very low.
The oncologists decided that we would take a couple days off from radiation and chemo. My blood counts tested again yesterday and were higher, but I still feel pretty crappy and need to get a lot of rest this weekend.
I used to use the phrase “It is what it is” all the time, but I realized I have not used it since my diagnosis, when I started to write this post this morning I knew it was appropriate. So my cancer Is What It Is and there is nothing I can do about it.
How Do I Feel Today
1 - Best ever .....10 - Worst Ever
11/18/07
Overall – 7
It has been a rough week and there are parts that I would rather not relive. I have had some high points watching my twin nephews blowing out their 3rd birthday candles on their “Cars” cakes and watching my 10 month old nephew taking his first steps.
Pain – 6
Since I have not had radiation for two days and no chemo yesterday I am able to take more pain meds, but I wish the pain would go away so I did not have to take the meds at all.
Physically - 7
I am still really tired and just do not have much energy. My allergies are bothering my on top of it all and I feel like I could sleep for days.
Emotional - 8
I seem to be very sad this week. I have my moments of happiness but I seem to have a general tiredness and sadness. I am more bummed then I have been in quite a while. But I can’t seem to shake this black cloud that is hanging over me.
Monday, November 12, 2007
How I feel Today
I decided to switch around how I record how I document I a feel each day.
11/12/07
Overall - 8
The rough weekend has continued into Monday. A friend passed away of Breast Cancer last night.
Pain - 7
The pain is a little less today, but still pretty bad. At least now I can take pain meds.
Physically - 7
I am still exhausted and nauseous, but as usual getting better every day. I do not have much of an appetite and I have no energy.
Emotional - 8
I am very sad today and apprehensive about the test results this week. I am not sure if it is the rainy Monday, but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.
11/11/07: Overall-7.5, Pain-8, Physically-8, Emotional-7
11/9/07: Overall-6.5, Pain-7, Physically-8, Emotional-5
11/8/07: Overall-6.5, Pain-7, Physically-7, Emotional-6
Friday, November 9, 2007
Posts
Sorry I have not published any posts lately. It has been a very busy week and I am been exhausted. I have been working lots of hours and when I get home I just have not wanted to touch my computer. I have added two new sections to the blog. They are positioned on the side bar to the right.
1. Upcoming Medical stuff - this is to keep everyone informed of updoming appointments and stuff that is going on.
2. Help Needed. I am not very good at asking for help, but I am working on it. There are a lot of people that ask what they can do to help me, so I figured this is a good way to put out there what I need.
I am working on a new post and I am going to try to finish it tonight when I get back from chemo tonight. I hope you all have a good weekend.
1. Upcoming Medical stuff - this is to keep everyone informed of updoming appointments and stuff that is going on.
2. Help Needed. I am not very good at asking for help, but I am working on it. There are a lot of people that ask what they can do to help me, so I figured this is a good way to put out there what I need.
I am working on a new post and I am going to try to finish it tonight when I get back from chemo tonight. I hope you all have a good weekend.
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