Tuesday, December 4, 2007

We think in generalities, but we live in details.

Today I said hello and goodbye to my lunch in about an hour. I have not vomited in a little over a week, so I guess I was getting a little cocky with only being nauseous and actually keeping my food down. Well no more, back to herbal tea and plain scrambled eggs at lunch. No more bacon for me. Oddly, I have been craving salty meat lately. I usually appreciate that the office toilets are automatic flushing, but it can be a bit of a pain in the ass when it self flushes when you are in mid-puke and you try not to be sprayed in the face with toilet water. YUK! I find it is one of the those times it is hard to multi-task.

I am not really looking forward to chemo this afternoon, but I had a wonderful dream last night about a Christmas miracle. I think I might be spending too much time watching the Hallmark Network 21 day’s of Christmas, but I had a dream that my cancer went into remission, found a man that loved me (earthiness and all) and I had a baby. Even more miraculous is that somehow with my tumor riddled ovaries and uterus I gave birth to a baby girl. I don’t know if it is even possible, but I rarely have dreams like that which have not come true. I never wanted to have children until this past March and then it dawned on me one day that I really did want to fall in love and be a mom. That realization pretty much knocked my socks off and when I received by diagnosis this summer I thought it was one of the universes big jokes that that hope and desire was taken away after not wanting it for so many years. But who knows, all things are possible, right? I told you I was watching all those sappy Christmas movies.

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