Saturday, November 17, 2007

It Is What It Is

As many of you know I had a battery of tests this week to find out if the chemo and the radiation have made any progress. I have been praying for good news. It seems that every time that I have gone to the doctor it has been bad news. For my emotional health I needed to hear. I did not feel that I could continue the treatments that make me so sick without knowing they are making some progress.

Well the news from the doctor is No Good News, but No Bad News. So I guess that in itself is a good thing. The tumors have not changed in size, but on the flip side there has been no progression in the Cancer. Considering the rate that the Cancer had been spreading the Doctor feels this is a very good sign. I don’t know how to feel. I really wanted to hear that the tumors that shrunk and the chemo and radiation were making great progress. At least I could hold onto that went I was feeling so crappy.

Twice this week I passed out after radiation and the blood test showed that my kidney function was low, but most importantly my blood cell counts are very low.

The oncologists decided that we would take a couple days off from radiation and chemo. My blood counts tested again yesterday and were higher, but I still feel pretty crappy and need to get a lot of rest this weekend.

I used to use the phrase “It is what it is” all the time, but I realized I have not used it since my diagnosis, when I started to write this post this morning I knew it was appropriate. So my cancer Is What It Is and there is nothing I can do about it.

How Do I Feel Today
1 - Best ever .....10 - Worst Ever


Overall – 7
It has been a rough week and there are parts that I would rather not relive. I have had some high points watching my twin nephews blowing out their 3rd birthday candles on their “Cars” cakes and watching my 10 month old nephew taking his first steps.

Pain – 6
Since I have not had radiation for two days and no chemo yesterday I am able to take more pain meds, but I wish the pain would go away so I did not have to take the meds at all.

Physically - 7
I am still really tired and just do not have much energy. My allergies are bothering my on top of it all and I feel like I could sleep for days.

Emotional - 8
I seem to be very sad this week. I have my moments of happiness but I seem to have a general tiredness and sadness. I am more bummed then I have been in quite a while. But I can’t seem to shake this black cloud that is hanging over me.

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