Well Friday is here and for once in a long time and I am looking forward to the weekend. TGIF!! Today is no treatment Friday. Originally I was going to go away this weekend because it was my off chemo week and I arranged for no radiation for Friday and Monday. I somehow forgot to tell the doctors I was going to be in town. Whoops…shame on me. So today I slept in to 7am. Wow. Other than the regular medication induced nausea and the other basic side effects - I feel good. I still have some side effects and pain from the liver biopsy, but I can feel the chemo effects leaving my body and it is amazing how you feel when you get a full night sleep. I am even in good spirits today. I do not have chemo this afternoon and maybe I can even have a whole weekend without vomiting.
Ok, here comes the bitching part of the program. Yesterday I had a big meeting at work that I was co-leading. One of my biggest complaints of the chemo is the cognitive effects. I call it my personal form of pig Latin, but I can’t seem to get the right words out. Sometimes I say the right letters and other times it has the right syllables. Maybe the people who know me well know what I am trying to say. I feel like I need to correct my mistake and that makes it even more noticeable. I am very self conscious about it. I try to make a joke about it, but it is very frustrating. I taught a training class the other day and I either fumbled over my words or lost my train of thought. One of my co-workers said that it is probably more noticeable to me than to anyone else. But these are my colleagues and not everyone knows what is going on and I am not going to pull out the cancer card for not being able to do my job. I know some people are amazed that I am still working, but this is what I do. I work, and I think I do a damn good job at it, even if I have cancer and it slows me down. Cancer is not going to take everything away from me and it is not going to define me, even if it monopolizes my days, nights, thoughts, and body.